Sunday, October 18, 2009
A New Realization
I'm not trying to put a damper on things, but I figure people probably still want to know what's going on with me. If not you can skip this log and see all the cute pictures of Lizzie in the other ones. I've finally realized something that happened when Brian died. At the time I knew I was losing a husband, but I didn't know I was literally losing myself. I've yet to get back to that person I was before. My personality is just different. I never would have guessed. I can't even put my finger on it, but I've noticed a trend. Everyone I knew before it happened is still friendly with me. Most people I've met after just kind of avoid me. There are a few that don't, but overall something I do must just push them away. Now I'm not writing this so people can feel bad. I guess I just needed a little therapy or something. Anyways, that's it but tomorrow will be a better day.
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That is what your blog is for. For you to put what's going on and how you feel. If someone doesn't like it, let them skip it, like you said. Thanks for posting your feelings. I've thought about you often the past 5 years, and I'm still praying for you, and your cute little family.
ReplyDeleteI've never felt anything differently towards you Debra. I still love you a ton. I am so glad to be family with you. You have a good reason to have changed some. You are a great Mom and wife. You are right tomorrow will be better.
ReplyDeleteI am so glad you feel like you can post what you feel. I often wonder how you are truly doing and what is going on. I wish I could help you make it all better. I don't know why people sometimes act differently after a tragedy, but I have seen it. I hope you can find the peace you need and be comforted. I think about you alot and pray for you. Even though we don't see you, we think about you and Brian alot. Take care!
ReplyDeleteTo go through such a loss will change you forever. I am sorry your feeling that way, sometimes people have no idea how to deal with someone that has had such a great loss. I am happy that you have found someone else to share your life with, and that you are able to have a beautiful baby. I am sure Brian is also very happy.
ReplyDeleteI will say that my friends changed drastically after getting married and then having kids. I felt similar to you, and felt that I did not connect with many that I had before. You just had all that happen at once on top of losing a spouse. Hope you feel better
Love ya
Well my beautiful sister, I still like you and love you. I wish I could be closer to you because you would definitely have someone to talk to and be with all the time. I do agree with you that you've changed but I don't think it was for the worse. You live through experiences you learn, change and grow. There is nothing wrong with that and the people that you feel push you away. I'll take them on in a fight any day for you. As long as you are happy with yourself I will love you.
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